The Recovery, Results & Repercussions

The two weeks that have passed since my last surgery have felt like six. Perhaps it was the daily waiting for the pathology reports to come back, the uncomfortable pain that has been my constant companion or the sheer plethora of things that have happened. Regardless, the days have been filled with highs and lows. Tears and laughter. Pleading and pleasant moments. 

The recovery from the axillary dissection was in many ways far easier. First of all I wasn't dealing with mono and a punctured chest wall so my body was able to focus on healing. My energy came back quickly and two days post surgery I was riding on my spin bike trying to burn off some energy so I could sleep at night! This particular surgery affected a very heavy concentration of nerves so I have been dealing with a mixture numbness and burning pain through my shoulder and arm. I am thankful to say that the possible issues with lymphedema and loss of use do not seem to be a threat. The reconstruction of my lymphatic system seems to be working beautifully and I have not even needed to wear a compression garment as expected. My wedding rings are back in place on my finger and I have not had any concerning swelling to inhibit their presence. In addition, I have a "beautiful" smurf blue circular tattoo the size of an egg on my inner arm. It apparently marks the location of the lymphatic reconstruction so its necessary but it definitely was not what I envisioned being my next tattoo! 

Andrews mom came to stay with us for 10 days while I recovered. She jumped into my shoes with ease and cared for my family and our home like it was her own. She even noticed things around the house that had been driving me bonkers and effortlessly corrected them (like the inside of our microwave??!!!!) creating more relief than she could imagine. I also greatly appreciated that she allowed me to do as much as I felt necessary so that I could maintain some semblance of humanity. She cheered me on, did puzzles with me for hours and let me crash on nights when the pain was just too much to be around people. Her presence became even more of a blessing when Andrew came home from the gym in agony after throwing out his back. I've never seen him in that kind of physical pain and I don't know how we would have functioned without Michele here to keep us a float. I mean, you know its bad when you have three adults in the house and only one is capable of stirring the new jar of peanut butter...which around here is as essential as toilet paper.

This second week post surgery revealed that our girls were beginning to struggle with the whiplash of our lives. Meltdowns have abounded and brain fog has seemed particularly intense for my neurodiverse daughter. Rather than accepting the help that had been so generously scheduled we made the decision to spend this past week at home and returning to as much of a "pre-diagnosis" normal as we could. I love to be on the move so God graciously and wisely gifted me with a mild cold which stripped away the temptation to do anything other than relax with my family and hang out with my kids. 

The day before my cold took hold I had a meet and greet with a doctor at the Breast Cancer Supportive Care Centre in Calgary. I had been told by several that I NEEDED to self refer as they were an invaluable resource but I truly didn't know or understand what they did. I was called into the doctors office and we began chatting a bit about my story/history/needs and this strange new journey. After listening for a bit she said, "From the moment you sat down in that chair you have seemed to have a peace and stillness about you that I don't see very often. Can you tell me where that comes from?" I had to be honest and told her that I am a Christian and my faith in God and relationship with Him produces a hope and a peace that is unexplainable. She slammed her hand on the desk and said, "I knew it! I'm a Christian too and it is clear that there was Something anchoring your soul that is far greater than human strength." Cue the sobbing tears. The remainder of our appointment was mainly a counseling session during which she quoted Scripture after Scripture passage and helped me think through some of my grief and loss pieces from a biblical perspective. In addition she was able to explain a few things regarding my cancer and the future which provided context to some lingering questions. She will be another valuable ally to have on my side throughout this as she is able to help me think through some of the questions that I need to ask and can advocate for me and my family on this journey through the unknown.

I finally received my pathology test results back a couple of days ago and we were so thankful to hear that 10 lymph nodes had been removed with all 10 showing no evidence of cancer. While I expected to experience an extreme emotion of sadness or excitement I found that I had very little response at all. I'm not sure if it's because I had prayed about it so much that I was totally ok either way, or if it was because I felt guilty that I was receiving pleasant news while another family in our church was planning a funeral for their 2 year old son. It's something I've been thinking a lot on and am still processing through. 

In addition, I had another round of blood work yesterday which showed that my liver levels have fallen back into place and are exceptional again. What was last 219 is now well under the maximum of 50 sitting at 21. Just another thing to be thankful for. 

What's Next

The fact that my results came back negative is huge but it does not mean that this journey is over. Considering the aggressive and rebellious nature of this cancer I am still going to have to undergo chemotherapy. However, the duration will be shorter, the chemo will hopefully be a bit "nicer" than it could have been and I will not have to have radiation. While I don't yet know the specifics of what my treatment plan will look like I have been told to expect chemo to take a minimum of 5 months. I have a meeting with my oncologist on April 10th which will provide me with a lot more clarity but until then I am hoping to try to return to a bit of a normal existence. 

In addition, my left arm is doing well but is going to require therapy if I ever want to be able to use it normally again. I currently cannot lift it even 90 degrees and I have lost so much strength in that arm that I cannot support its weight for long. I also cannot straighten my arm fully. I am required to wait one more week before I can begin physio. I understand the rational but dread another full week of muscle atrophy. 

Things to Pray About 

1) Please pray for wisdom as we meet with the oncologist and discuss treatment on April 10th

2) Pray for my family as it appears I shared my cold and the dominos are beginning to fall. While I can do a lot I am still very limited in energy and physical movement so sick kids will be a very exciting adventure.

3) Pray for my arm to regain its full range of motion and strength again